Scratch Intergalactic was just beginning to get comfortable in his new digs when he received the first distress signal on his clam phone. "There's a robbery in progress at the Second International Walrus Depository on 5th and Screech!"
Scratch reacted just as fast as any dead person would. He hopped out of his pretzel-shaped chair and ran outside. There it stood, the vast Balloon, waiting for him to hop inside and do battle. He slithered into the squeegee-little mouth
part and hosed off. The sky was cloudy, kind of like a cloud. As Scratch ballooned through the sky, he thought back to the day that changed his life. No, not the day that he received the Balloon, but another one, completely irrelevant to this whole story. But, I'll mention it anyway. Scratch received a very shiny box for Crispmas one year. It seemed that Fanta Claus was very happy with him. He kept the box for a long time. Back to the story now. He was nearing his destination
and closing in on the villain. Scratch could feel his forehead beading with sweat, and now his pits were sweaty, and now his ass was just soaked. His balls began to itch. When he saw the station wagon parked in front of the Walrus Depository,
he knew exactly who it was: Skankenbooty! It was the first Beast of Forever, a horse all made out of pink gum, save for his blue, stupid arms. Scratch landed the Balloon down on a Flambe Jones rooftop. When he hopped out, he made a pretty cool pose, like everything stopped and his name appeared to the side of him: SCRATCH INTERGALACTIC! Yeah, it was like that. Skankenbooty's evil henchmen tried to give Scratch the business, but he wasn't havin' none o' that. All four of them were there: Scooty, Cranster, Blifton, and Carl. Scooty came after Scratch first, mainly because his was the name that I made up first. Scratch coolly whipped out his COOL WHIP GHOST SHOOTER and put a beam right through Scooty's head. Oh yeah, the henchmen all look like Mexican Spiders with like, leather and stuff. Scooty was very dead. Whoosh-pah! Ker-snackle-pus! Cranster swung his cat hair whip at Scratch and knocked his gun away. It was suspenseful. It was frightening. It was like a lava lamp at a cattle ranch, ya know? "I wouldn't try to pick it up, man. You might force me to use this whip on you, which would cause you physical pain." Sneeby-chow! Before Cranster could actually finish his sentence, Scratch punched him in the face. While Cranster was on the ground, reeling from the opposite but equal reaction applied to his jaw, Scratch picked a sword from a sword tree and disemboweled him. Eww. Blifton was up next. He jumped down to the busy street below and took an
old smelly woman hostage. The woman's hobby was juggling. Blifton said, "I swear I'll kill her if you don't just get out of here!" To which Scratch freakin' Intergalactic said, "Nuh-uh!" Scratch used his Aqua Man powers to communicate with the creatures of the sea. Lots of fish rolled out on the beach and died. Then he went to Plan B. "Hey, Blifton, yo ears is so big, you can hear sign language!" OH SNAPS! "Yo lips is so big, when you smile yo hair gets wet!" OH SNAPS! "Yo momma so ugly, her nick name is DAMN!" Blifton just started crying and left. Having seen enough, Carl just jumped over the edge of the building and died. Scratch took off into the Walrus Depository. Skankenbooty was inside screaming at people. Not words, just screaming. Picture it. "Skankenbooty, your days of being a big jerk are over," Scratch coughed out. "Ch," Skankenbooty
cleverly retorted. The battle was on. Punches were being punched. Kicks were being kicked. Bystanders were geekily gawking at the pugilistic display. Scratch broke a wooden chair across Skankenbooty's teeth. Then, Skankenbooty stabbed Scratch with a rusty spork. He came back by forcing Skankenbooty to gargle Listerine for a very, very long time. Skankenbooty backed down for just a moment and snarled a bit. All that jazz. Scratch felt he had the upper hand and dove after his nemesis for the final crushing blow. "BOOM! TOUGH ACTIN' TENACTIN!" Skankenbooty yelled in Scratch's ear. It was an underhanded move,
but it worked, nonetheless. The fight raged on some more. Skankenbooty jumped up to the top balconey and grabbed a rapier. He then swung toward Scratch on the chandelier. The chain supporting the freakin' thing snapped. BLOFH! Skankenbooty hit the floor, the blade of his own sword had impaled his heart. Scratch left and fired up his Balloon. That was one Beast down, forever to go.