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Every once in a while, there's a huge pink balloon flying through the sky with no string. The people of Slampson come
out on their house flies to behold the huge rubber majesty. No one knows who is riding in the balloon. But I do. I'll tell
you for $14. It all started back when Larry Bird was eating chocolate pies and people thought that TELEVISION was clownish.
A guy named Scratch Intergalactic used to work at the Paintbrush Quartet Diner, the local place. One night, his boss, Mr.
Flapperelli sent him out to grab a SPACE SHUTTLE DENTAL FLOSS LUNCHBOX. Scratch made his way '79 Buick Mussolini when he saw
something bizarre in the sandbox. It was a castle, 700 feet tall. The whole thing was made out of marshmallows and sandals.
There was a glass waterfall pouring from the highest tower into a fountain. In the fountain, there was a large statue of a
wheelchair. The wheelchair was playing classy tunes on a violin made from SOLID MOUNTAIN DEW. Scratch walked toward the
castle, feeling indigestion from the marvelous marvel. A big bubblegum door opened and there was a guard standing in the archway.
"Bolt, jew hose where?" the guard said. Scratch was lucky that he spoke Springlish. He communicated with the beastly seahorse
guard. "Fit jizz pie, Latch. By clerk pat Taintmush Poorget Shriner." Low, ritz two. Poo car duh hosin' fun. Do ray center."
The guard replied. Scratch walked through the doorway and looked around at the vast hall. There were stairs and doors and
octopi and one big carpet. The whole place was elaborately carved out of sky, clouds and all!! There were sculptures
and intricate floor moldings portraying dead kings and heroes of Valhalla. There were carvings of battles that actually moved.
Tapestries woven from Golden Spider Webs depicted the glory and horror of this Holy Kindgom. From the center of the spiral
ceiling hung a living chandelier with handles made for heroic swings. A larger than life pipe organ adorned the first landing
of the main staircase. Each white key was the size of a Bonneville. The organ began to play itself and the pipes began to
spew dust, decades and centuries of dust. The cloud took a form, the form of a king. He had everything you would expect: a
curly beard, a crown, and no shirt. He spoke: "Scratch Intergalactic, you are destined for great things. You shall battle
the Beasts of Forever as the captain of my BALLOON LEGION!" "Okay," Scratch said. That's when a huge balloon devoured Scratch
and threw him in a green floral chair. He manned the controls that were made from internal organs and took flight! He now
battles the BEASTS and keeps the people of Slampson safe.
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